tonsillitis

for me, the tonsils used to be one of the body’s cute little punchlines, a frankly vast group (uvula, spleen, frenulum, etc.).  recently, however, they turned on me, and now i don’t know where we stand.  the picture here is not of my tonsils; i tried to photograph them for a good twenty minutes and then gave up.  i will say only that mine look worse than those.  last night katherine’s med-school roommates examined them with a combination of horror and joy, and were visibly disappointed when i said that it was time for me to go to sleep. today, a kindly puerto rican doctor* peered at them for a solid 0.4 seconds before telling me that i needed antibiotics, STAT.

it’s been a rough few days. i can’t really eat, or talk, or hear, and things down old throat lane are on the painful side. if i haven’t been in touch with you, i’m really sorry—every time i try to check and respond to email, something goes wrong and pretty soon i am asleep and copiously drooling blood and lymph.  attempting to talk on the phone is an enterprise so absurd as to rival beckett.

receptionist: GOOD DAY BUENAS TARDES
me: i’d like. to… m
receptionist: HELLO?
me: an abboinment. eeennh
receptionist: YOU HAVE INSURANCE?
me: yeah but it’s buh. it’s total bullshish insh—. bullshih.
receptionist: HELLOOO YOU HAVE INSURANCE.
me: eeenhno.
receptionist: YOU WANT A PRIWATE WISIT.
me: yeah, pri; prive.
receptionist: YES?
me, asleep, drooling blood and lymph: SNOOORRT.
me: SNOORRRRRRRRRRRTT.

a side effect of tonsillitis is snoring.

also: the young dads, this friday night, sidewalk cafe, 7:30pm. be there or be not-in-the-presence-of-someone-with-non-infectious-because-he-is-taking-antibiotics tonsillitis, a.k.a., a tool.

*who also announced happily that i had “the blood pressure of a baby,” which is far more useful to me than the actual data of my blood pressure. blood pressure = 100 over 65: whatever. blood pressure = baby: RED ALERT. i remember my infancy. it was in brazil, and there were giant flesh-eating ants. i guess i need to relax more.