LoYD, Week 3

DECONTEXTUALIZED FANTASY LEAGUE UPDATE ALERT

A strange and dismal week for the League of Young Dads, Week 3.

i’m your fantasy 7, Can’t Feel Our Faces 2.
i’m your fantasy, last year’s season-long front-runner, picked up where they left off with a resounding victory. Even more fittingly, it was a victory over Pablo, who has now been lulling his opponents into a false sense of security for, by my count, 23 consecutive weeks. Will he strike? Or won’t he? The suspense is somehow worse than actually getting beaten at fantasy basketball.  Pablo, you twisted genius.

Evil Clive 6, junk first hug 3.
A decisive Sunday on which not even Rip goddamned Hamilton could get one pathetic steal caused this outcome to be worse than it should have been.  Also, the many, many instances in which Rajon Rondo failed to score.  Rajon, you are worthless, and that is why you have recently rejoined my team.

RIP Sonics 5, wiener bruise 4.
It was a fascinating journey from ecstasy to agony for wiener bruise, who possessed a 7-2 lead on Tuesday, posted the inflammatory message “BOOOYAH,” and then was swiftly whomped into submission.  Maybe it was 7-1.  Either way, the lesson to be drawn is sobering and unmistakable:  YA BURNT.

Eurofor50Mill 5, School’s in Session 4.
A clash of the titans.  Despite setting the early record for points (739) and steals (46), School’s in Session was beaten on percentages, thanks to some ungodly shooting from Kevin Love and Richard Jefferson, not to mention the incomparable free-throw stylings of David Lee.  This match, at any rate, was a delectable amuse-bouche to be comprehensively savored, amid a ghastly menú of gristle and loathsome uncooked things.

Hopefully this week is awesomer.