overlooking the monongahela

[a deck on mount washington, facing downtown]
matt, jabbily: no, let me tell—let me tell you something. don’t go to new york. new york, um… new york smells like a butt.
me: i shouldn’t even go anywhere.
brett: BURRRPPPP
me: right now i work at this place with literally a billion attractive women. it’s completely insane.
a girl: please don’t misuse “literally”
second girl: or objectify women
brett: who wants ANOTHER DRINK!
brett, suddenly aware of nearby child: of juice.
me, overcome: IT’S SO GOOD TO BE HOME.

fireworks, distantly: fwoosh. fwoom. krkrkrkrkrkrkrssh.
matt: so are you going to “kyle”’s wedding or whatever
me: “kyle” is NOT getting married.
matt: yeah!
brett, returning: the beer tastes better when you put gin in it
me: “kyle”! that’s awesome! who the fuck would get married to “kyle”?
nearby child:
me: i mean, who the… sex.
me: can we please put this child somewhere else.
matt: he’s had this girlfriend for like three years.
brett: did you not meet her? i thought we all met her.
me: i’ve spoken to “kyle” like twice since we graduated.
me, marvelling: which is so bizarre. we used to spend all this time together. christ. you remember that website.
brett: jesus, the beaver cult.
a girl: beaver cult dot com.
me: it was dot org.
second girl: my mom wouldn’t let me go to that site.
matt, despondently: it wasn’t even about vaginas. it was about that stupid beaver cartoon.
second girl:

me: man, i can’t wait to get back in touch with “kyle.”
brett: we should call him!
matt: so, i was thinking—you should come to pittsburgh, and we can form a band, but it would also be sort of a philosophical thingy. and uh… we would also fight crime
me, stealing phone, loudly: “kyle”! i’m gonna KILL you!! RRRAAAAAARG
“kyle”: jesse? is that—this is jesse?
me: “kyle”! i’m still waiting for my invitation! to your wedding! i’m gonna stab you with my face. stab you with LOVE
“kyle,” weirdly defensive and blustery: look, man. if you had made even—any kind of effort at all to stay in touch, you know, like just reached out even once,
me: uh.
“kyle”: no, you’re not invited. maybe if you had showed me that our friendship meant anything to you, then that would be different, but no. you’re not invited.
me: all right.
“kyle”: look, you—you can’t just expect to drop back in, do you understand?, and get invited to someone’s wedding, after running away, basically
me: yeah, no, yeah, i
“kyle”: because it really just show
me: that’s fine, i think—
“kyle”: and you can’t expect
me: well i think maybe we could talk about this when i’m not drunk.
“kyle”: yeah, all right. because look—well, yeah.
me: okay.
“kyle”: yeah. i mean, right?
me: yes.
“kyle”: all right.
me: yeah.
“kyle”: well happy fourth of july.
me: yeah.
matt:
brett:
me: jesus.
matt: i mean, he has a valid—
me: yes.