city of hamsters

i want this reporter’s beat.

things for me are uncomplicated:
1. i am flying to amsterdam tonight to reunite with girlfriend
    a. the duration of this trip is 11 days
    b. the entire city is having a beer sale
    c. also i believe girlfriend has somehow acquired artisanal german gummi candy
    d. if you are not jealous of me right now, you are a fool
2. if you call yourself a friend of mine you must visit strongtakes every day, preferably multiple times
    a. do you want to write for strongtakes?
    b. no?
    c. hmmm.
    d. what if we offered you a salary and health insurance?
    e. we have a deal with the national health provider of trans-dniester. this is true!
    f. the only drawback is that you would probably have to switch your primary-care physician.
    g. specifically to a man named vassily who lives in tiraspol (which is sort of hard to get to) and does not, technically, speak english or use anaesthetic of any kind.
    h.
    i. please write for strongtakes.
    j.
3. we finished mixing four songs for Teen Plant One yesterday and will hopefully finish the rest on monday meaning FINALLY THE ALBUM WILL BE DONE
    a. so please put some dollars in a sock and lob that my way
    b. also if the sock is clean that is a bonus because i am running low