stache ii: book of secrets
we have another show this sunday at the all asia cafe—we go on around 11pm—and so what was a harmless bit of folly has become several days of nightmare. basically, i have to go around with this mustache until the performance, because the look i have right now (mustache, assiduously parted hair, glasses, plaid shoes) is somehow incredibly well-suited to rock & roll. the problem is every other context. the best way i can describe the attitude of my coworkers is “bemused.” i walked into H&M today for some gloves and there was audible shuddering. other storegoers seemed angry, as though i had marred their shopping experience—and i probably had. i see myself in mirrors or car windows and think, “oh christ, what a spiritually impoverished persoHOLY FUCK THAT’S ME.” abe and i decided today that if the new mustached version of me had a name, it would be “gary,” and of course every gary has the following attributes:
- shops exclusively at j.c. penney
- is sort of a racist
- is secretly gay and bitter at himself about it
- thinks that mike huckabee’s tax reform proposal makes a whole lot of sense
so i’m hurting. i’m hurting bad.
the all asia is our second-to-last show before we go into the studio and then take off for winter break, so of course you should come. watch us kick some ass, then watch me shave this fucking thing off while still onstage. christ.
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BLOG BONUS:
this is a facebook exchange i had with a total stranger, who friended me (whatever) and then proceeded to post a video of someone (him?) surfing, with names superimposed over it, one of which was mine. a number of his friends, all italian, added comments like “Good-Times!” and “it was so great!!!!!” we will protect this person’s identity by renaming him “la france.”
la france
Today at 8:07pm
haha, I tagged you in a old surf video of mine.
write something fun if you have the time.
Jesse Andrews
Today at 8:13pm
hi–i’m pretty sure we don’t know each other. are you looking for a different jesse andrews?
la france
Today at 8:22pm
by all means, you have the right to be pretty sure on the fact that we don’t know each other, but from the info you have, for example:
the cars, the clash, kraftwerk, the strokes, the streets, talking heads, ted leo & the pharmacists, thin lizzy, weezer, gorillaz, gorilla zoe, obviously the beatles.
you are just like a old friend of mine, who sadly past away some while ago.
so if you don’t mind, it would be honor to have a nice comment on that video from you.
“as long as you remember them, they will live forever”…
la france
Today at 8:34pm
in other words, in my mind you are him.
so is it to much to ask, to copy c copy v this: Good-Times
Jesse?
Jesse Andrews
Today at 8:35pm
it is too much to ask. bye 
la france
Today at 8:36pm
too bad…
la france
Today at 8:44pm
that phrase you wrote was longer than what I asked.
please?
Jesse Andrews
Today at 8:46pm
only if you send me $50 and some delicious cookies
la france
Today at 8:48pm
I will, I promise.
Jesse Andrews
Today at 8:51pm
DO IT NOW, FOOL
la france
Today at 8:52pm
weird combination of things though. anyway I will, but first the comment then the $50 and the delicious cookies, please?
Jesse Andrews
Today at 8:53pm
IF THE MONEY AND COOKIES ARE NOT ON MY DOORSTEP IN 90 SECONDS I SHALL BE DISPLEASED
la france
Today at 8:56pm
Ok, you are not the person I thought you were.
make fun of dead people, is far from cheating death, you will probably have a very displeased life.