beards of glory

this is an experiment that will likely end in tears, but as the band member who is easily the most recent to have shaved his face, i have decided to dispense therewith, effective now. there are photos of my dad on his wedding day—a skinny clever-eyed kid with a goofy grin—and he is sporting a triumph of a beard. it looks great. it could in fact be a healthy woodland animal clinging to his chin and ears. the point is, it is time to do him proud. unfortunately, the following characteristics apply to my beard, which is already a week old:

- itches
- is functionally invisible
- itches a lot

when i say “functionally invisible,” i mean it’s impossible to tell that i have a beard, and when i gently draw people’s attention to the beard, they say, “huh.” however, the beard is detectable in that i look vaguely seedier than before, or possibly have some dirt on my face. so i guess that’s progress. dave’s facial hair kicks ass, and mike’s is abundant if not especially cultivated. even matt has let his go for a few weeks, and been rewarded with a furry arrangement that is more than capable of netting him some spare change on occasion.

it’s important to feel scruffy. we just recorded six tracks at this punk rock studio in allston on wednesday and thursday, and now we’re adding vocals and synths, and then you will be able to buy it at our shows for some ludicrously reasonable price. also, if you are rick rubin, you are getting one for free. at least, rick rubin’s personal assistant is getting one for free. rick rubin’s personal assistant, if you’re reading this: get pumped, baby.

we’re thinking of calling the EP Attention Deficit Disorder. the tracks are:

1 THE KRAKEN
2 IT’S MY BIRTHDAY I CAN DO WHAT I WANT
3 STAY INSIDE
4 ROME HAS FALLEN
5 ANCHORHOUSE
6 SEABEAST

we have no way of accounting for the nautical theme other than the basic fact that the sea is awesome. you are asking, “jesse, aren’t the kraken and the ’seabeast’ basically the same thing?” for my sake and yours, please never even entertain such a stupid question again. the seabeast is a remorseless creature of vengeance and justice. he is basically a huge dork, albeit with the ability to summon lightning from the heavens to illuminate your gruesome death. he loves world of warcraft, and he has had zero girlfriends.

the kraken, on the other hand, is a party animal.